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Policy Pledges

Clacton Loony candidate Just John with Ivan the Great. A few pledges:

  • 30% pay cut for all MP’s to pay for around 600 more nurses.
  • Cuts to MP expenses on food, drink, travel and accommodation to pay for free school meals for all children, more council housing and cheaper travel.
  • A two for one immigration policy, where we allow one person into the UK for every two that leave the UK.
  • Everyone made to drive green cars, not red, blue or black, just green to make our roads more green.
  • Bring back UK fishing, to support our local chip shops.
  • Solar powered LED street lights with motion sensors instead of lights out at 1am. No one left in the dark on this one.
  • Google maps to team up with Ant & Dec, for a big brother neighbourhood watch scheme to beat street crime.
  • Recycle ideas from the past like milk in glass bottles delivered and collected by electric milk floats from British dairies. Fruit & veg sold by green grocers in paper bags or cardboard crates from British farms. Fish mongers selling fresh British fish out of British Waters.
  • Switch the six week summer school holiday with the two week Christmas holiday, to reduce school heating costs.
  • Emmissions tax set by altitude, so the high fliers like private jets, pay the high rates.

Use your vote 12Dec, vote an official loony not the fake loony’s.

Parliamentary Jokes

How long does it take parliament to change a light bulb?

Well after a referendum, an election, several years of planning and debating, multiple motions tabled and bills passed, multiple new PMs and another election, we are still in the dark!

How does a MP stop from being elected out in a general election?

Well they resign or don’t stand.

What’s the difference between a tele-sales operator and a MP?

Well a part from MPs get £65,000 PA more basic pay, less hours work, can sleep on the job, have an expenses sheet that reads like a royal banquet the rest is much the same, nobody wants’ to hear from them, they read from scripts and have little to no idea what they are selling.

What’s the difference between the house of commons and a nursery filled with wild children?

They are better behaved in the nursery.

A Parliamentary Carol

The Twelve Steps To Heaven

On the first step to leave EU my parliament said to me “A once in a life time referendum for the people to vote leave or remain, 17.4 million voted leave”

On the second step to leave EU my parliament said to me “David Cameron is leaving and Theresa May is taking over”

On the third step to leave EU my parliament said to me “498 MPs voted to submit article 50 and leave EU”

On the fourth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “A no deal is better than a bad deal and promises to leave over and over”

On the fifth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “A general election where Theresa May lost seats and joined DUP”

On the sixth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “After almost two years nobody likes Mays deal, three times”

On the seventh step to leave EU my parliament said to me “We need an extension and then another longer extension”

On the eighth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “Boris Johnson is the new PM and the opposition passed a bill to force Boris to ask for a third extension”

On the ninth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “No election, not once but three times”

On the tenth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “Cancel prorogue and go back one week early, only for Boris to prorogue government again”

On the eleventh step to leave EU my parliament said to me “Boris got a new deal, well Mays deal with a different backstop and nobody wants it”

On the twelfth step to leave EU my parliament said to me “We have yet another EU extension and we will have a general election where the people can now vote official Loonys to leave EU”

Get out and vote 12th December, vote the Loony Party, you know it makes sense!